


Seven Minutes in Hell

by Shiny_the_Strange



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Crack, M/M, Pre-localisation, rated m for manly boner just in case, this is cheesy af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2015-09-14
Packaged: 2018-04-20 18:12:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4797368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiny_the_Strange/pseuds/Shiny_the_Strange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In order to make a good impression, Ryoma goes to Elise's birthday party. Things get a little out of hand when he is forced to fight Xander in a closet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seven Minutes in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> WOW okay I was on Tumblr and I saw a post that made me laugh my ass off. It also gave me some inspiration. The result is some fabulous Ryomarx. My leokumi fic is STILL COMING, I've just had a bit of writer's block with it. I get distracted easily.
> 
> enjoy this in the meantime! As before, you can also read this on fanfic.net.
> 
> EDIT @ 19/02/2016: With today's release of Fates, I want to let new readers know that this is a work completed before the game's localization. Though I took care to write the main protagonists' characterizations as accurately I could with the translated information (primarily supports), remember that the characterization and general syntax of each character may have shifted slightly with the localised release and may not entirely match with what I intended to write.
> 
> Also, the un-localised names of two minor characters were changed to reflect the localisation.
> 
> Now available on [Tumblr](http://shiny-the-strange-writes.tumblr.com/post/139631675237/seven-minutes-in-hell)! (scroll up for ff.net link)

“Spin the bottle! Spin the bottle!” Elise spun on one foot as she brought the bottle into the living room.

Ryoma felt the heat rise in his face. When he heard that he and his family were invited to a birthday party, this wasn’t what he had in mind. Originally, it was only Sakura that was supposed to go. Then Camilla had called, insisting that he, Takumi, and Hinoka should come too. Not wanting to leave a bad impression on Prince Xander, Ryoma and his siblings joined the party with reluctance.

 _Then again, this is a party for a thirteen year old_ …thought Ryoma. Everyone sat in a large circle, featuring the rest of Elise’s family and several Nohrian retainers. Ryoma sat between Hinoka and Sakura, who looked as fearful as he did.

Takumi in particular was dissatisfied with the arrangement.

“If that bottle lands on me, don’t be surprised if I refuse to do…whatever this is,” said Takumi.

“We’re playing seven minutes in heaven!” said Elise.

“…I don’t like the sound of that,” said Takumi, rubbing his clammy hands together. “What’s it about?”

“Well…” Elise grinned. “It’s a game where you go into a closet and make out for seven minutes! My sister suggested it!”

Takumi looked at Camilla and narrowed his eyes.

“Of course it was her…”

Ryoma looked at Xander, who smiled apologetically.

“Okay! Let’s start!” said Elise. She placed the bottle on its side in the middle of the circle, spun it, and ran back to her spot.

The bottle stopped and pointed at Takumi.

Ryoma suppressed his laughter, looking at Takumi’s wide eyes and open mouth.

Leo, on the other hand, was in hysterics.

Takumi glared.

“This is your fault! You hexed it, didn’t you?!?”

“I did nothing,” said Leo. “Now Elise, how about you spin it again so we can see who his partner is?”

Takumi grimaced and looked away.

Elise spun the bottle once more.

The look on Takumi’s face was indescribable when the bottle pointed at Camilla.

“No,” said Takumi. “No way am I doing this. Not with her.”

“B-But…” Elise frowned.

Camilla smiled and looked directly at Takumi.

“It’s common courtesy to do what the person having their birthday wants.”

“I-I know! I just…” Takumi crossed his arms and looked at Ryoma.

Ryoma looked back at Xander. His wrinkled forehead and wide eyes shot a shiver down Ryoma’s spine. At the same time, his heart began to beat faster. Not out of fear of Xander’s anger, he recognized; Ryoma had felt this way previously while making eye contact with him on several different occasions. He never fully understood why his heart always raced when Xander looked authoritative.

He turned back to Takumi.

“Sorry, Takumi, but you have to do what Elise wants.”

Camilla giggled as she stood and took Takumi’s hand, leading him down the hall. Takumi looked back at Hinoka, mouthing “help me” at her.

“I better go with them,” said Hinoka, standing up. “Just to make sure things don’t go out of hand.”

“They’re fine,” said Xander. “Camilla will not hurt Takumi.”

“I concur,” said Leo.

Niles snickered.

“Besides, we all know you want to be in Takumi’s place.”

“I do not!” said Hinoka, her face glowing crimson. She sat down and crossed her arms.

Elise jumped up and took the bottle again.

“We have another closet! So let’s get another couple going!”

“Wait,” said Niles. “I have an idea.”

“Oh, what is it?” Elise leaned towards him.

Niles smirked.

“It’s simple. We’ll keep the making out part, but that comes after.”

Leo raised an eyebrow at Niles.

“After what…?”

“The fighting. They’ll fight for the first three and a half minutes or longer. Then they can comfort them afterwards by making out.”

Xander’s eyes widened.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“That…I don’t want any fighting,” said Elise.

“Hold on a second,” said Leo. He walked over and kneeled next to Elise. “Don’t you think that rule could only apply to certain couples?”

“Leo, what are you doing?” growled Xander.

“Think about it.” Leo whispered into Elise’s ear. Her eyes widened as she began to grin.

“Shouldn’t you listen to your brother?” said Ryoma.

Xander looked at Ryoma. His lips were slightly upturned.

Elise and Leo both looked at Ryoma and giggled.

“Let’s do it!” said Elise. “Couples will only fight if both members are guys.”

Xander turned back to his younger siblings and frowned.

“Elise, what’s gotten into you? No, I won’t allow this.”

Elise frowned.

“B-But it’s my birthday…”

“I’m sorry, Elise, but I need to draw the line here,” said Xander.

“Wait,” said Ryoma. He stood and bowed. “I will volunteer.”

Everyone stared in his direction. Xander’s stare was particularly murderous.

“Just to make her happy…let’s do this once. I-I will hold back, no matter who I get.”

Elise slowly turned towards Xander, her eyes wide.

Xander scowled and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Fine. But just _once_.”

“Hooray!” Elise quickly span the bottle.

Ryoma looked away and closed his eyes.

The room collectively gasped.

Slowly opening his eyes, Ryoma found himself face to face with Xander. His eyes narrowed as he clenched his teeth. He lifted the bottle and pointed at himself.

For the first time in quite a while, Ryoma’s heart pumped with genuine discomfort.

“Y-You, huh…” Ryoma felt the heat rise in his face again.

“Yes. Now let’s get this done and over with.” Xander took Ryoma by the wrist, squeezing it as he yanked him down the hall.

 _What a powerful grip_ …thought Ryoma. In the event that Xander did try to assault him –something that seemed more and more likely by the second- Ryoma knew he could take it and fight back without any problems.

His mind suddenly jumped to being pinned to the ground, Xander holding him there and giving a forceful kiss.

 _What…?_ Ryoma suddenly gasped. _Why am I thinking about something like that? And why now of all times?_

“We’re here,” said Xander. He let Ryoma’s wrist go.

Ryoma followed Xander into the closet and felt around for a light switch. Finding one, Ryoma noticed that the closet was full of clothes.

Xander leaned against the wall and stared at Ryoma, his expression back to how it normally was.

“So you wish to fight…?”

“Y-Yes,” said Ryoma. “But because it’s you…I may have to break my promise of holding back.”

“Is that so? In that case,” said Xander, pulling his shirt off, “I’ll give you to full force of my feelings right now.”

“So that’s how we’re doing it, huh?” Ryoma took his own shirt off. He stared directly into Xander’s eyes. “Show me your strength.”

Xander lunged at Ryoma, pushing him against the wall. Ryoma shoved back, forcing Xander to the ground.

Quickly rising to his feet, Xander took Ryoma’s wrist and threw him into the clothes rack, causing it to tumble and bury him in clothes.

Despite the clothes lying on top of him, Ryoma reached for Xander’s heels and pulled him down. He emerged from the clothes and wrapped his arms around Xander’s waist. He fell backward and threw Xander into the clothes, performing a successful suplex.

Xander attempted to scramble to his feet, but was slowed as Ryoma held the hem of his pants. They came right off as Xander removed his belt and squirmed away from his partner. He held his belt high and brought it down on Ryoma.

Ryoma cringed as the belt hit his back. He stood and threw the pants into Xander’s face, catching the belt the next time it came down. He pulled on it, causing Xander to fall to the ground once more.

Jumping back to his feet, Xander walked backwards and grimaced at Ryoma.

 _I’ve got him now_ , thought Ryoma. He prepared his stance, ready to deflect anything Xander had for him. “Had enough yet?”

“Had enough? We’re just getting started,” said Xander.

“Good, because I-” Ryoma suddenly found himself distracted by Xander’s pair of underpants. Not only was it black, but it was _bulging_ at the front. _My gods…it’s so…_

Ryoma was so distracted he didn’t notice Xander slam into him. He was on the ground, arms restrained and unable to move.

Xander smirked.

“Hmph. I expected more out of you,” said Xander.

“M-Me too,” said Ryoma.

Xander frowned and raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean by that…?”

It was Ryoma’s turn to smirk.

“This.”

Using the full force of his muscles, Ryoma took Xander’s wrists and flipped him onto his back. He pinned Xander down with all his might.

“Ready to admit defeat?”

Xander struggled beneath Ryoma, then stopped.

“…Yes.”

Ryoma waited for Xander to pull a trick like he did, but it never came. Standing, he helped Xander to his feet.

“That was…fun.”

Xander nodded. He grinned.

“I haven’t done that type of fighting in a long time.”

They stood silently, gazing into each other’s eyes.

 _His smile…it’s wonderful_ , thought Ryoma. _Wait a minute…why is this thought coming to me?_

“…Are you alright? You look a little flushed,” said Xander.

Ryoma snapped back to reality and shot a defensive glare.

“I’m _fine_. Are you sure _you’re_ alright?” Ryoma looked at Xander’s crotch.

Xander quickly glanced down, then back at Ryoma. His face instantly reddened.

“I…I must have fought so hard, I didn’t even…”

“…I found myself distracted by it,” said Ryoma. He slowly moved towards Xander. “I can’t really explain why.”

“You fool,” said Xander, walking up to Ryoma. “How can you expect to be a great king if you’re distracted by your opponent?”

“Opponent? Is that it?” Ryoma leaned in close. “Because I doubt I would be aroused at battling my opponent.”

“But you aren’t aroused,” said Xander.

“But you are.” Ryoma leaned closer and closed the gap between them, kissing Xander and pressing their chests together. He removed his lips and nodded.

Xander’s face reddened further.

“Are we starting the…make out part of this now?”

Ryoma took a sharp intake of breath. _Oh no…_

“I…I completely forgot about that.”

Xander put a hand on Ryoma’s chest.

“You mean to tell me, that kiss was real?”

Taking Xander’s hand into his, Ryoma sighed. _Is this…really how I feel about him? It would explain more than a few things, I suppose…but how can I be sure? I think-_

His thoughts came to a halt when Ryoma realized Xander’s lips were against his. When Xander removed them, he grinned.

“…Yes,” said Ryoma.

Xander licked his lips as he kissed Ryoma again.

Ryoma pressed into the kiss, sticking his tongue into his partner’s mouth. He felt the blood rush to his groin as Xander began to pant.

Breaking the kiss momentarily, Xander wrapped his arms around Ryoma.

“I must confess…I’ve wanted you for months.”

Ryoma felt his erection growing by the second. He began to grind it against Xander’s, kissing him again at the same time.

“Are you not hot in those pants?” asked Xander.

“Perhaps I am,” said Ryoma. “Would you like to help me?”

~~~~~

“They’ve been in there for twenty minutes,” said Leo. “I’m a little concerned.”

“I wish Takumi and I could’ve been in our closet for twenty minutes,” said Camilla.

Takumi groaned.

“If Ryoma were here, he’d give you shit for sure.”

“Let’s check on them…” said Elise.

Takumi, Leo, Elise, and Niles headed for the closet.

“Hey, wait for me, Dad!” Nina ran up beside Niles.

They stopped in front of the door and listened. Silence.

“Are you sure they’re just making out in there?” asked Takumi.

“I sure hope not,” said Leo.

Takumi raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because Xander reaaaaally likes Ryoma,” said Elise.

Takumi’s eyes widened.

“Was…was this your plan the whole time?”

Leo and Elise looked at each other and smiled.

“Okay, they’ve had enough in there,” said Niles. He opened the door.

Ryoma and Xander lay in the pile of clothes. Xander’s hand was on Ryoma’s crotch.

Nina promptly clutched her chest and fell to the ground.

The men in the closet looked in her direction, eyes wide. Xander removed his hand from Ryoma and glared at Niles.

“How wonderful for you two to come out of the closet,” said Niles.

Xander growled.

“This party is over.”

~~~~~

Ryoma and Xander lay in the grass, holding each other’s hands.

“I was thinking,” said Ryoma, “that if I hadn’t been invited to the party five months ago, we wouldn’t be laying out here like this.”

“I’m glad you came,” said Xander. “I wanted to tell you how I felt so much, but…I found myself too nervous to say anything.”

“Well, we’re here and together now. Nothing else to look forward to but the future…” Ryoma rolled onto Xander and kissed him. “I…I love you, Xander.”

“I love you too, Ryoma…”

They remained in that position until the sun set.

**Author's Note:**

> The post that inspired me is this one: http://shiny-the-strange.tumblr.com/post/129040445715/
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed! While my main love is Caminoka, Ryomarx needs more love too!
> 
> This was really cheesy and sleep-deprived I'm sorry


End file.
